Good and Nope Not At All

If your product name and subsequent advertising campaign consists of two simple adjectives, you should ensure that both are true.

No It's Not

I heard someone say once that "love is a battlefield."

I'm pretty sure the inverse isn't true; just ask anyone on a battlefield.

Like a Fine Wine

Using the word "vintage" makes something instantly cool that was once old.

So what if they wear HD Wraparounds glasses and have an escalating fondness for doilies?

I say we call them "vintage citizens." They deserve it.

Throwback

Enjoy.

Capitalist

I'd like my yard to be wheatgrass; that way, I could sell the clippings.

Mowing = Harvest Time

Working on It

I don't update this enough to be considered prolific.

I'll settle for lific.

(It took you a second to figure that out, admit it)

Revisiting Ferrets

I almost bought a ferret once, but decided I'd rather have friends.

Both/And

The spork is both fork and spoon.

It's the hermaphrodite of culinary utensils.

Actually, Don't...

Sometimes when you're talking about something, and a related event suddenly happens, people will say "well, speak of the devil!"

I say let's leave him out of this; we've already had one coincidence today.

Feel the Urn!

The only difference between an urn and a decorative jar is that the former has someone's ashes in it.

This tells ms that, historically, someone got away with improvising.

In the Future

Futuristic movies always have holograms of people and things.

I hope we invent that soon, because I've always wanted to say "Hey, just set that over there, by the hologram."

Going Green

Technically, every day is an earth day.

Stunning

Can you imagine the guy that first discovered popcorn? I bet he thought himself a wizard.

Hit Me Incessantly With a Stick

There's many things that would be difficult about working at a piñata factory, but the hardest might be the gradual loss of excitement about birthdays.

Poorly Suited

"It's a bird! It's a plane..."

Really? Is it one of those new "flapping planes" or simply the loudest bird mankind has ever witnessed?

I can see how you might confuse those.

Fishy

I bought a Chinese Fighting Fish, but he looks more Korean to me.

Boundaries

I don't like live plants in my house. That's why I bought a house, so that the wild plant/domestic space boundary would be clear.

You don't see me leaving a lamp in the forest.

Surprise?

I saw a TV show the other day that introduced Max as "a successful wax sculptor who is surprisingly single."

I'm guessing his friends aren't surprised. Or anyone who knows what he does for a living.

Discharged!

The phrase "He was discharged!" is only positive in regards to someone leaving the hospital.

Also, circus cannons.

Narwhals, again.

What we call medieval jousting is just a normal game of chicken among narwals.

In the ocean, they don't use the term "stabbed." They say "narwhalled."

Convinced?

I saw a headline article on CNN.com entitled "Ted Danson: World's Biggest Fish are Dying."

It's going to take more than that to raise my eyebrow. 

Shared Interests

What do the walrus and the narwhal have in common:

Odd teeth? Nope.

Communism.

More Accurately

Based on actual function, I wouldn't call it a "fire hydrant."

I'd call it "dog urination checkpoint*"

*assisting in fire suffocation

1,000 hits!

Wow, I've visited my blog roughly 823 times now, so the rest of you (Mom) have made up the difference in only 4 months.

I bet if James Van Der Beek's gardener had a blog, he couldn't beat those numbers.